I really thought I was being Punk’d in my training class today. I was in a prerequisite training Tuesday, so I knew I needed to get there early to get a decent seat…really to get A seat. The previous class had more butts than seats. I arrived 20 minutes early and was able to get a seat at a table for 2 with an outlet nearby. The other tables seated 4-8. I thought I hit the jackpot! Someone already had their laptop in the space next to mine, but they were not there. I happily spread my stuff (a bunch as usual) across my area, got something to eat, and played around social media until it was time for the 3 hour class to start.
Right before the class started, my table mate appeared. She looked harmless (not friendly), so I introduced myself and went back to what I was doing. Before the instructor started, the lady next to me started crunching on fruit. 😳 I have never heard anyone make sliced watermelon sound so damn loud! I’ve always hated the sound of people eating with stainless steel forks, but she managed to make me feel the same hate for plastic ware. Then the sniffing started. 😩😩😩Anyone who knows me, knows I absolutely hate hearing a grown ass person sniff. At that moment, I drew my imaginary sword and measured it against her neck as a warning. She stopped for a moment, so I put my sword back in its scabbard. But, her sniffles were soon replaced by her unscrewing the top from her steel container to gulp on water. I looked at her in disbelief and hit my coworker (she was in the same training) on chat to tell her about my misery. She was sitting across the aisle from me so she could see my face which tickled her.
As I was typing, another lady entered the training super late. Where do you think they squeezed her? Right next to my mad ass!🙄 We didn’t have enough room for another person, so she had to sit in the aisle and share table space…on my end. Being the sweet person I am, I tried to make room for her on the table and scooted closer to old smack and sniff. I was highly irritated, especially when I realized her greedy ass had somehow slipped out to get a whole new plate full of fruit!!! Just when I thought I was going to lose my mind and all my cool, the instructor announced we were going to take a 15 minute break.
I got back late from break because I had to decompress before squeezing back between late aisle lady and the human noise box. All was good at first, but after awhile snotty started sniffing again. I decided to distract myself by jotting down all the triggers she was causing and a couple of not so nice comments beside them. It was working for a while because I was cracking myself up. But then the rustling sound of a bag followed by continuous cracking made me turn to look at her. Do y’all know this heifer was sitting there cracking and eating pistachios in the middle of training. Before I knew it, I grabbed my mental sword and chopped her head clean off. Only the vision of her shocked eyes on her detached head kept me from going straight Serial Mom on her ass in real life. Once she was MisoMe beheaded, she didn’t seem to bother me as much. I don’t know if my energy made her stop or if I was lost in a loop of insanity, but all of a sudden everything was not as bad and I managed to pay some attention to the instructor. But, I’m so glad I catch on quickly to software and the instructor gave us a very detailed spiral book of instructions because I would be so lost when I actually have to apply the learnings in the next few weeks. I am proud to say, I made it out of class without cursing her slam out, so I must be getting better…right?😏