I owe my former seat mate a heartfelt apology. I was so relieved when he got off because I thought that offensive odor was emitting from his pores. I was totally confused as to why such a well dressed man would walk around with such a dangerous nasal assault weapon. I became angry at the fact that he spent more time brushing his hair than he spent washing his ass. I stared at him, befuddled, for 3 stops. I cheered on the inside when he got up to depart the train. I foolishly assumed the odor problem was solved when in fact, it was just stirred up by the crowd of people departing the train. I thought I was safe, so I exhaled heavily so I could breathe again. To my surprise, I was smacked in the face with a stronger version of the uncivilized fetor as the doors closed.😳 I looked around madly to find the source of the smell. Finally, I looked down and found it…The weapon of choice was a pair of dingy socks left exposed by a pair of slides. I looked up to see who dared to don a pair of wide open funky socks. My eyes made contact with this dude’s gym bag…the bag holding the sneakers that could have saved a few of my nose hairs from singeing. He knew damn well how bad his feet smelled when he took those damn shoes off! Why didn’t he wait until he got home to release those toxins. Now, my simple ass is sitting here wishing I had a hazmat suit.
Just think, I almost made it through the week without incident…almost.