Somebody on this train has this whole car stinking!!! Smelling like 100+ pounds of getback! This little girl in front of me is alternating between counting down their stops and whining “I can’t breathe”!🤭😩😩 She pointed out the culprit😳…damn kids.😂😂😂 Her mom scolded her. Meanwhile, I’m sitting here with my face tightly wrapped watching folks reactions as they get on. Po folks think they lucked up on a seat. Watching those smiles quickly go to surprise and then all frowned up…baaaaaabbbbeeeee.😂😂😂😂

I’m going to track some reactions for the next few stops:

– I hope these folks don’t think it’s my kids. (I actually did think it was her baby when I got on.😬)

– walked on and walked right back off🚶🏽‍♀️🚶🏽‍♀️

– walked on and discussed getting off at the next stop. Got off at next stop🤭🤔🚶🏽‍♀️ This was the number 1 reaction.

– Just said, “GOTDAMN!” and moved way down the car😷➡️➡️

Hold up – the little girl just asked her mom if she could put her earbuds in her nose. Poor baby.😂😂😂😂😂

More reactions watching:

– This shit stinks!

– My skin is too sensitive for this shit!

– Awwww hell naw!

– Oooohhhhhhhh (followed by a quick U-turn)

– I can’t

– This is not working for me

– Anybody got any air freshener

– lady walks down aisle spraying perfume…some thanked her. I can’t smell either way so 🤷🏽‍♀️

– faces as they get on:😕😟😒😳🥵😖🤭😧😲😷🤢🙊😠

I am not laughing at the individual because I don’t know his story, but he doesn’t look like he smells. Perhaps that’s why folks are so surprised. But, the reactions and u-turns being made are hella comical!!!↩️😂😂😂😂 real tears are running down my face as I try to suppress my laughter at these folks’ reactions.😭😭😭 Luckily, he slept through it all.

Meanwhile, I can’t smell a damn thing because my face is wrapped so tightly and my airtamer is in full affect. If I pass out, it’s my own damn fault.😂😂😂😂😂

I can’t lie y’all – I do I enjoy flirting with older, slick talking men. While waiting for my sister at the Marta station, a neatly dressed gentleman glided over with the friendliest smile…looking at his watch and tapping it.

Him: Please tell me what type of husband do you have that’s not here for you already?🧐

Me: I’m a little early today.

Him: So, what’s wrong with your finger? Why isn’t there a ring?

Me: Because I’m smart😏

Him: LOL. Well do me a favor and dial this number for me real quick.

Me: You tried it!😂😂😂

Him: So you don’t have anyone you go to lunch with?

Me: Yes, I do. (It was none of his business that person is a woman🙃. Hey Val😂😂😂)

Him: I’m (I already forgot). What’s your name?

Me: Nicole🤥🤫

Him: Let’s make a deal, Nicole. If I see you here tomorrow, you’ll go to lunch with me.👀

Me: What kind of deal is that? I’m here almost every week day.

Him: 😄😄 I know because I see you all the time. I was going to be perched right here at this time tomorrow…early.😁

Me:😊

Him: I usually don’t wish anything bad on anyone but I sure hope whoever he is messes up soon. I’ll see you later.

Me: LOL – have a great evening

So the whole time he was talking I was singing in my head – ‘tis the season for a suga daddy…fa la la la laaa la la la la.🎅🏽🎅🏾🎅🏿 But, real talk – I just can’t wrap my head around snuggling with someone who might call my dad young man.😂😂😂😭😭

Why is this linebacker looking dude on the train with music playing thru speakers sitting here with a spread of Popeyes in the seat like he’s at a cookout…legs stretched out and everything.😂😂😂 He is straight up looking like he is daring someone to say something. I know I’m not ready for that tussle.😳 I’m more inclined to ask him if he wants to start up a game of spades. But, if he reneges that tussle will well up in me with the quickness…mad spades heart is different from regular heart.😒

I just looked down and he has chicken crumbs everywhere! Someone needs to tell this man he needs to get that shit up! It won’t be me cause my spades heart ain’t available. 👀😂😂

To give up the seat or not to give up the seat…that is the question. As a general rule the disabled, elderly, folks with kids (in and out the belly), and folks with a lot of stuff get offered my seat on a packed train. The confusion comes when I can’t really determine the age of the women. If dudes are not obviously old, they won’t get the seat unless they fall under one of the other categories above. As for women, the lines are really starting to get blurred – older ladies looking damn good and these youngins looking like they are living hard as shit. Throw in that new gray hair trend and I’m totally confused. 🤔 I’m a bag lady and they are usually heavy, so Imma be mad as shit if I give my seat up to a rough looking 30 something year old…frfr! I need the universe to start showing me their age on their foreheads. Until then, I need to see some crow’s feet and a lil dip in that back before I drag these bags and get up. 😄😄😄 Sorry to the ladies with good genes and plastic surgery. #decisionmade #martaramblings

See…this that bullshit.  They just put us off the train – with no explanation of course.  Behind me is a group of women who, unlike me, prefer to vocalize all of their Marta frustrations instead of blogging them.  They are so glad to have this large audience on the platform.  The train finally moved and I realized I am waaaay too close to the edge.😳 I’ll be glad when the next train arrives.  Although, I know we are going to have to get on a train of people mean muggin us and like they own the train. Here it comes…

This man just raced all of us through the doors but I managed to squeeze in a seat before him. Small victories count.💪🏽  I already miss the other train.  These mofos stank!  They smell like a mixture of cigarettes, dirty rain, and a hard day of work…in the shit factory.😩 I am so glad I’ll be on vacation next week. I won’t have to deal with all these smells, sounds, and strangers.  

Misophonia: myth vs reality

So I’m sitting in the seat right near the door and this girl leans against the pole attached to the seat so hard that it splits her ass cheeks…right near my face! 🍑🙈🙈🙈 Luckily, she felt enough discomfort to switch positions after a min cause I was gonna have to say something. That could not be in my close peripheral for a bunch of stops. 😩
This has to be the most disrespectful seat on the train. People who stand in the doorway do the most and forget someone is right there. One day, this young dude dropped his phone on this lady 3 times while he was standing over her leaning and texting and she was not the one.😂😂😂 Note to self: stay away from door seat.

I like when I judge a book by its cover and I’m correct. Dude in the sweats picked the middle row of steps and I followed him. He killed those steps and I was right on his heels. We left those mofos on both sides in the dust. I may be childish, but guess what, WE WON! #nananabooboo

Let me preface this by saying, I can’t make this shit up… I was early this morning so I thought I’d relax on the train by listening to Anita Baker and crocheting. My plans were soon thrawted when my seat mate plopped down two stops later. I guess I am hella approachable because she started in right away. Below is as much of the conversation as I can remember – me saying very little but staying engaged: – Teach me how to crochet. (That was an adventure within itself because I actually demonstrated and she wanted to learn from the beginning.)

– What are you making – a cup holder? You should make a crock pot. It holds a lot of stuff ya know. 😕

– My cousin sews. She’s a redbone just like you. She teaches boys how to be professors at the university. One jumped in her face like she was a man. She should’ve knocked him the fuck out.💪

– I woke up in Oklahoma three days ago and now I’m here.👀👀👀

– Any black colleges in Atlanta? I wonder if they will give me money to pay for my books. I need a scholarship or something.

– I’m 53 years old with my hair like this. It don’t make any sense being 42 with my hair like this. (Foul on the mofo play! 😑)

– I wear this I love Jesus scarf inside out because I don’t know how Jesus looks on the inside ya know. 😧

– Will you excuse me for the smell?

– Where are you going?

– What’s your name? My name is Felicia.

– Well this is my stop Nicole…see you later.

Me: Bye Felicia. 😄

I hope she has a great day.

This girl is singing to the top of her falsetto lungs on the train and that shit is TERRIBLE! 😳 She is singing about being the Lord’s servant. I think her God even put in his/her earbuds and turned the music up. We did not deserve that type of ear trauma this early in the damn morning. 😩😩 I think a lot of folks must’ve had the same prayers/wishes cause the doors just opened and she got off. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽. That was worth one of my shooting star wishes…hell, I even threw in some four leaf clovers and a rainbow to help wish her ass off. 😂😂😂😂