MisoMe

MisoMe Memory 04.02.16

I was just frantically searching my bag for my earbuds as someone continuously popped gum. I could not find them at first, so my mind was racing with what kind of Rumpelstiltskin kind of deal I was willing to make for a pair of earbuds to fall out of the sky.ย  My son’s future was in seriousย trouble. LOL
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MartaMe Memory 3.8.18

To give up the seat or not to give up the seat…that is the question. As a general rule the disabled, elderly, folks with kids (in and out the belly), and folks with a lot of stuff get offered my seat on a packed train. The confusion comes when I can’t really determine the age of the women. If dudes are not obviously old, they won’t get the seat unless they fall under one of the other categories above. As for women, the lines are really starting to get blurred – older ladies looking damn good and these youngins looking like they are living hard as shit. Throw in that new gray hair trend and I’m totally confused. ๐Ÿค” I’m a bag lady and they are usually heavy, so Imma be mad as shit if I give my seat up to a rough looking 30 something year old…frfr! I need the universe to start showing me their age on their foreheads. Until then, I need to see some crow’s feet and a lil dip in that back before I drag these bags and get up. ๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜„ Sorry to the ladies with good genes and plastic surgery. #decisionmade #martaramblings

MartaMe

Be still!

This man has not stopped moving since he sat down next to me. He’s checking his bag, drinking coffee, checking his phone, drinking coffee, scratching his head, drinking coffee, adjusting his shirt, drinking coffee, biting his nails, drinking coffee, alternating between holding onto the bar in front of us and letting go while I’m trying to figure out why…does he think he’ll fall out the seat. ๐Ÿ˜’ Shit, he’s making me nervous. I can’t pull this hat down far enough to block my peripheral. He has not been still for more than 3 seconds. Either he has an important meeting, had waaay too much coffee, or I need to get off this damn train cause his bag is going to blow.๐Ÿ‘€๐Ÿ‘€๐Ÿ˜ฉ

SEATMATE GRADE: E unless he can see this and my last guess is true.๐Ÿ˜ณ Then A.

MartaMe

MartaMe Memory 3.5.15

I think this lil joker beside me has issues. She can’t be still and her train etiquette sucks. A few strong looks is all I can give today to stop her. Anything out of my mouth will come across too harsh. I’m not worried much about her, but her homegirl is in the seat behind us looking extra robust and skrooong!!! lls. I know my limits – especially with two. Plus, fidgeting shorty looks like she can give me at least a good 10 minutes of windmilling. I need to get back in shape before I even think about taking on any of that action.

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I hate when this happensย 

See…this that bullshit.  They just put us off the train – with no explanation of course.  Behind me is a group of women who, unlike me, prefer to vocalize all of their Marta frustrations instead of blogging them.  They are so glad to have this large audience on the platform.  The train finally moved and I realized I am waaaay too close to the edge.๐Ÿ˜ณ Iโ€™ll be glad when the next train arrives.  Although, I know we are going to have to get on a train of people mean muggin us and like they own the train. Here it comes…

This man just raced all of us through the doors but I managed to squeeze in a seat before him. Small victories count.๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿฝ  I already miss the other train.  These mofos stank!  They smell like a mixture of cigarettes, dirty rain, and a hard day of work…in the shit factory.๐Ÿ˜ฉ I am so glad Iโ€™ll be on vacation next week. I wonโ€™t have to deal with all these smells, sounds, and strangers.  

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MartaMe Memory 12.1.16

So I’m sitting in the seat right near the door and this girl leans against the pole attached to the seat so hard that it splits her ass cheeks…right near my face! ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ™ˆ๐Ÿ™ˆ๐Ÿ™ˆ Luckily, she felt enough discomfort to switch positions after a min cause I was gonna have to say something. That could not be in my close peripheral for a bunch of stops. ๐Ÿ˜ฉ
This has to be the most disrespectful seat on the train. People who stand in the doorway do the most and forget someone is right there. One day, this young dude dropped his phone on this lady 3 times while he was standing over her leaning and texting and she was not the one.๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ Note to self: stay away from door seat.

MartaMe

MartaMe Memory 11.3.16

All of these seats and super thighs plops down next to me – super thighs junior (by comparison). ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜ณ We are the only ones looking all bunned up on this train. Why didn’t she choose an empty seat or a set of slim thighs to pair up with? ๐Ÿ™„ Then she has the nerve to keep squirming. We are about to start a fire on this joint if she keeps rubbing up against me.๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ Five stops later and the train is still ji empty and she’s still here rubbing up against me. There are rules to this shit!๐Ÿ˜ฉ

MartaMe

MartaMe Memory 10.26.16

All of these empty seats and his hummin’ ass sits next to me. It’s waaay too early in the morning for this musty shit. And, he has the nerve to have on two shirts. He ain’t Sure about shit today! lol I want to ask him to take the mustiest one off cause the way he is assaulting my nose, both shirts have to be assailants. He needs to put them right back in the laundry basket he grabbed them from this morning. My nose really doesn’t deserve this.

MartaMe · MisoMe

No sandwiches allowed!

It started out well…

But, that didnโ€™t last long.  Dude next to me is offending all my senses right now.  First, he flops down next to me smelling like an ashtray full of unfinished cigarettes.  Then, he pulled a sandwich out of a ziplock bowl and started devouring it.  No exaggeration –  dude is munching on that sandwich so hard and fast, continuously turning it so he can bite it from all angles.  He is chewing so hard, I can see his cheeks moving up and down out of my peripheral. That should be difficult because I have turned my body as far as I can towards the window so I can sneak breaths in every now and then.  He is in violation of the almost all the seat mate laws! Heโ€™s alternating between killing that sandwich, drinking water, picking his teeth, and licking his fingers!๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜ฉ How big is that f*cking sandwich?!!!๐Ÿ˜’ How can he still be eating it after all of those rotating big bites?  I think it grows every time he bites it.  And, all of that finger licking on this filthy train…yuckety!  I feel like offering him a hand wipe, but I think he is finishing up because heโ€™s rotating through all the movements at an even quicker pace.  Hold up – this mofo just took out a napkin, wet it, and wiped his hands…after he ate! I canโ€™t with him.  SEAT MATE GRADE: E!!!!!!!!!

Picking teeth licking fingers

Am I being punkโ€™d…for real, who sent him?

MartaMe

MartaMe Memory 10.22.14

Dude is on the train for 6 stops with an unlit cigarette hanging from his mouth. That’s some pressed shit right there! Now, I know I have to beat him to the escalator cause that tells me he’s the type who would light up while on it. Glad I have my Nikes on. #traintribulations

I believe every home has a distinct smell and when people come out, they carry that smell on their clothes. With that said, some of these folks need to febreze, plug in, fry the fish outside…do something! They have me up here sniffing my damn self. #trainsmells #ihatemynose