Back on Marta and it’s too murch! I got here earlier than I have in months and the platform is packed. My standing spot and all spots near it were occupied so I had to stand further down…knowing I wouldn’t be able to get on my normal car. It ended up being a blessing in disguise! When the train pulled up, my normal car was pitch black. So, all of those folks had to scramble to get to another car. That’s what they get for standing in my spot! 😜
The train instantly filled up. I knew it was going to be a packed, damp, smelly ride so I prepared my nose for combat. The next stop fully packed the train – even the aisles. I considered giving this lady standing near me my seat, but decided against it when I looked closer and surmised that she was probably in her 40s (like me). This is where those age tags would come in really handy.
The further we went, the more we started to look like sardines in this joint. There was a serious traffic jam at the door every time the train stopped. This dude who looks like Method Man has been standing at the door since the 2nd stop, so he’s been dealing with the traffic jams for a while. At the last stop, a man in casual business attire was attempting to board when Meth blocked the path and said, “Momma said we can’t have no mo company.”😂 Fortunately, J. Crew had a sense of humor too and laughed as Meth moved over so he could squeeze in. 😁
My first thoughts are my best thoughts. As I was walking down the steps at the train station, the lights started flickering. I instantly imagined myself in a video and thought about sliding down the handrail and breaking out in serious choreo! I should’ve acted on it and just assumed everyone else would follow suit. LOL Perhaps, watching the Chris Brown video on the train factored in. But, the main factor was me thinking, “I still got it!”😂😂😂😂😂
I worked from home Friday and Irma came through and shut a few things down Monday, including Marta. Yesterday, Marta was running on a limited schedule so I worked from home again. Today is supposed to be the regular schedule. But when I got to the station today, the sign indicated it would be 7 minutes until my train arrived. I can just miss my train and the sign will usually show 5 min until my next train. I know I didn’t just miss one because the platform was packed. And, when the train pulled in, it was almost packed. That’s how I ended up in the yuck seat next to good ole wide eyes 👀. She has never sat next to me before. Every time I beat her, she sits a few rows away from my smirking ass. Not today. She plopped down right next to me because seating was limited and like me, she probably couldn’t figure out where that expletive smell is coming from. I may be an ass but I don’t stink, so she chose wisely. It didn’t last long though. The people in front of me got off two stops later and I excused myself and brushed past wide eyes as I raced a girl who was boarding and eyeing my new, used seat. I won! And, it was clean…well clean for Marta.
Now, here I sit…unable to inhale. Every time I try to sneak a breath, I am hit with a myriad of unpleasant smells…onions, sweat, burnt hair, coffee, what seems to be undercarriage funk, and who knows what else. It’s all bad. I swear I would wear an air purifying helmet on this joint if there was one available. Be on this joint like…
If my seat mate folds or adjust this damn blanket one mo damn time, I’m going to scream!!! She could’ve at least fluffed that joint with a fabric sheet before bringing it. It could’ve helped with this morning’s olfactory assault. SEAT MATE GRADE: C
I must say, this welcome back sucks!
I like when I judge a book by its cover and I’m correct. Dude in the sweats picked the middle row of steps and I followed him. He killed those steps and I was right on his heels. We left those mofos on both sides in the dust. I may be childish, but guess what, WE WON! #nananabooboo
I am obviously being punished for something I did…probably one of the random things my brain has said to me about one of these folks during my commute. But, I have no control over that. The craziness just pops in my head. My only fault is laughing.😏 So now my ears have to suffer for my brain’s actions.
Anyway, my grown ass seat mate is actually sitting here blowing bubbles with her gum. I am so tempted to pop one of those bubbles so it’ll splatter on her face and stick to that herstache she’s rocking (yeah, I see it…handle that).
And, homegirl behind me is rustling a bag while talking on her phone way too loud to mind me asking questions about who she’s talking to. I really shouldn’t be able to hear her because I’m cranking the Jagged Edge/Run DMC Let’s Get Married remix. I wish I could press my earbuds to turn down her volume. Unfortunately, the universe does not seem to believe I’m worthy of special powers. Either that or it’s scared of how I would use them. I’ve already thought about making her bag float out of her hands, crumble into a hard ball, and hit her hard enough in her forehead to make her head snap back…not enough for whiplash, just embarrassment. The visual is cracking me hell up. 😂😂😂
My seat mate is still hanging in there, but she stopped blowing bubbles. Maybe she saw the first photo I posted above. lol SEAT MATE GRADE: C – she only blew bubbles for 1 stop, but has been very still the past 16 stops. I can’t even see her chewing in my peripheral. Maybe she remembered she was grown.
Imagine my surprise as I waited to board and the other door didn’t open! My hesitation gave me limited seating options. I bet someone broke it trying to force the doors open. They do that mess all the time – sometimes causing the train to be put out of order because the door won’t close. I blame that person for this whole commute rant. My brain is off the hook…this time.
Let me preface this by saying, I can’t make this shit up… I was early this morning so I thought I’d relax on the train by listening to Anita Baker and crocheting. My plans were soon thrawted when my seat mate plopped down two stops later. I guess I am hella approachable because she started in right away. Below is as much of the conversation as I can remember – me saying very little but staying engaged: – Teach me how to crochet. (That was an adventure within itself because I actually demonstrated and she wanted to learn from the beginning.)
– What are you making – a cup holder? You should make a crock pot. It holds a lot of stuff ya know. 😕
– My cousin sews. She’s a redbone just like you. She teaches boys how to be professors at the university. One jumped in her face like she was a man. She should’ve knocked him the fuck out.💪
– I woke up in Oklahoma three days ago and now I’m here.👀👀👀
– Any black colleges in Atlanta? I wonder if they will give me money to pay for my books. I need a scholarship or something.
– I’m 53 years old with my hair like this. It don’t make any sense being 42 with my hair like this. (Foul on the mofo play! 😑)
– I wear this I love Jesus scarf inside out because I don’t know how Jesus looks on the inside ya know. 😧
– Will you excuse me for the smell?
– Where are you going?
– What’s your name? My name is Felicia.
– Well this is my stop Nicole…see you later.
Me: Bye Felicia. 😄
I hope she has a great day.
This girl is singing to the top of her falsetto lungs on the train and that shit is TERRIBLE! 😳 She is singing about being the Lord’s servant. I think her God even put in his/her earbuds and turned the music up. We did not deserve that type of ear trauma this early in the damn morning. 😩😩 I think a lot of folks must’ve had the same prayers/wishes cause the doors just opened and she got off. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽. That was worth one of my shooting star wishes…hell, I even threw in some four leaf clovers and a rainbow to help wish her ass off. 😂😂😂😂
Unfortunately, the whiffs are often quicker than my smell shut down reflexes. So you all have to hear about my experiences on a regular basis. I promise you, hearing it is nowhere near as bad as experiencing it. I will gladly trade places.
I really don’t think most people think about their whiff, but I do – obsessively, especially in public. My goal in life is to have a nice whiff. I think I’ll do surprise dry runs on my family. I’m sure they are thrilled reading this. Get those olfactory systems ready fam!🤗😂😂
Today’s Takeaway: The next time you flop down beside someone – make sure your whiff is on point.
Today, I came to the sad realization that my family will not support me in my creative expression. After years of them calling me boring and dealing with their crazy hairdos, I received an upsetting response to my new do. While blow drying my hair back, I realized I could obtain the absolutely perfect Joe Dirt mullet. I felt so alive! I wanted to pull out an electric guitar and rock out! That was until I ran upstairs in excitement to show them my new, daringly coiffed hair. I received the following responses, “No – it really is upsetting me”, “It’s making me uncomfortable” and “That’s so annoying!” Not one show of support! Well, except for Rico… only when he realized how upset it made the others. So, I walked my dejected, dispirited self back downstairs to oil, dry, and wrap my hair back into it’s old, predictable style. #blacksheep #crestfallen #woebegone #forlorn
I am so thankful for earbuds and my music. They help me tolerate people and the weird noises they make. I seem much nicer because, as long as I have them, I can keep smiling. 🙂