Unfortunately, the whiffs are often quicker than my smell shut down reflexes. So you all have to hear about my experiences on a regular basis. I promise you, hearing it is nowhere near as bad as experiencing it. I will gladly trade places.
I really don’t think most people think about their whiff, but I do – obsessively, especially in public. My goal in life is to have a nice whiff. I think I’ll do surprise dry runs on my family. I’m sure they are thrilled reading this. Get those olfactory systems ready fam!🤗😂😂
Today’s Takeaway: The next time you flop down beside someone – make sure your whiff is on point.
Today, I came to the sad realization that my family will not support me in my creative expression. After years of them calling me boring and dealing with their crazy hairdos, I received an upsetting response to my new do. While blow drying my hair back, I realized I could obtain the absolutely perfect Joe Dirt mullet. I felt so alive! I wanted to pull out an electric guitar and rock out! That was until I ran upstairs in excitement to show them my new, daringly coiffed hair. I received the following responses, “No – it really is upsetting me”, “It’s making me uncomfortable” and “That’s so annoying!” Not one show of support! Well, except for Rico… only when he realized how upset it made the others. So, I walked my dejected, dispirited self back downstairs to oil, dry, and wrap my hair back into it’s old, predictable style. #blacksheep #crestfallen #woebegone #forlorn
I am so thankful for earbuds and my music. They help me tolerate people and the weird noises they make. I seem much nicer because, as long as I have them, I can keep smiling. 🙂
Once you know you no longer want to reproduce, there should be a button you can push (maybe the navel) to let your body know it does not need to keep checking back every month. I’m sure dammit!
I owe my former seat mate a heartfelt apology. I was so relieved when he got off because I thought that offensive odor was emitting from his pores. I was totally confused as to why such a well dressed man would walk around with such a dangerous nasal assault weapon. I became angry at the fact that he spent more time brushing his hair than he spent washing his ass. I stared at him, befuddled, for 3 stops. I cheered on the inside when he got up to depart the train. I foolishly assumed the odor problem was solved when in fact, it was just stirred up by the crowd of people departing the train. I thought I was safe, so I exhaled heavily so I could breathe again. To my surprise, I was smacked in the face with a stronger version of the uncivilized fetor as the doors closed.😳 I looked around madly to find the source of the smell. Finally, I looked down and found it…The weapon of choice was a pair of dingy socks left exposed by a pair of slides. I looked up to see who dared to don a pair of wide open funky socks. My eyes made contact with this dude’s gym bag…the bag holding the sneakers that could have saved a few of my nose hairs from singeing. He knew damn well how bad his feet smelled when he took those damn shoes off! Why didn’t he wait until he got home to release those toxins. Now, my simple ass is sitting here wishing I had a hazmat suit.
Just think, I almost made it through the week without incident…almost.
This commute is already starting off wrong. The girl to my left is a gum popper and the woman to my right…well…her smell profile is not quite right. I put in my earbuds to handle the situation on the left and I can usually cut off my sense of smell, but my nose is being nosey af today. I really wish it would mind its business.😩
This heifer has all of her itchy ass weave on my arm. My itchy ass twists are quite enough for me to handle. We both need some Mane & Tail on this mofo! Had to switch seats before my arm started welting up.
She’s baaaaack! I haven’t been on the train as much lately due to being out of town and working from home more. So, I haven’t been posting much except memories. But, I am back and so is deer in headlights girl. I don’t know how she holds that face so long. It would give me a headache. She was on the platform when I arrived yesterday. I think she forgot my exact spot because we haven’t seen each other in a couple of weeks. I resumed my normal positioning and smirked when the train stopped in front of me. Sweet victory…how I’ve missed you. 😏 I was running a little late today. When I got there, this dude was standing in my spot 😒 and she positioned herself to the right of him (she usually stands to my left). I think I saw that heifer crack a smile as I walked past. I guess she doesn’t know me that well…I don’t go down that easily. I took the spot to his left and when the train pulled in I could see it was not going to stop in my favor, so I scurried down to position myself at the next door. I was in my seat settled in comfortably by the time she found a spot in the seat across from me. That smile was nowhere to be found.😂😂😂 I gotta give it to her though – I believe she is the only one who knows this is a competition. And, although she keeps losing, she’s staying in the game.
For those who are wondering- yes, I do realize I am a tad bit petty…sometimes. It really showed yesterday. The commute was not eventful at all. As we arrived to my stop, I said excuse me so my seat mate could let me out. At the same time, this lady in a green shirt stood up in the seat across from us and she just stood there…all in my way! I brushed past her and headed towards the doors, feeling irritated. I finally looked down at the doors she chose and realized she works in my building. Immediately, it became a competition…my horse race scenario. I got on my mark and waited for the gates to open. When they did, I dashed out to head to the three lane stairs. I was so focused that I did not see her until we reached the turnstile gates…me in the lead. Then she did the unexpected – she cheated! Instead of waiting to get out the gate, she slipped through the side emergency gate that does not require a card. I was heated! 😤 To make matters worse, that miscreant ended up in front of me as we headed down the narrow stairs. When I reached the bottom, I saw her in my peripheral stop to talk to a man because our shuttle was nowhere in sight. I passed them to walk a little further down and noticed our shuttle was all the way in the back and around the corner. It was the little shuttle, so I knew seats would be very limited. I proceeded to walk to the back of the shuttle line to claim a seat as the driver pulled up to stop in front of me. As I boarded, I watched as people realized our shuttle was there and it was the baby one. They started to rush towards the door. I smiled from my seat when the driver announced there were no more seats and I looked out the window to see green shirt standing there as the doors closed. My smiling gaze lingered to see who she was talking to. My gaze changed from a petty smile to an “ut oh” as I caught a glance of the gentleman’s face…it was my VP.😳 Sorry EW! Later that day, I could not resist telling him the story of how he was a victim of my competitiveness…yes competitiveness…pettiness just seemed too incriminating. lol He cracked up because he is well aware of these commuter competitions I have going on. I did feel a little bad when he told me it took forever for the next shuttle to come so he decided to walk. Then he followed up with he did not see the other shuttle pass during his trek. My devilish smile reappeared. There was that sweet victory again. Actually, more like revenge…with impunity.
I know damn well this mofo is not about to fall asleep on my shoulder!!! It’s bad enough I had to deal with his strong ass unfavorable cologne, his twitching, and him taking his shoes off and playing twinkle toes until he dozed off. What Is gon do???
Homegirl wants to give her baby hair full credit today. I see you shawty! Lls. And, I’m so glad homeboy moved because he just could not be still. I’m not sure if it was the music or something deeper. Dude diagonal from me caught my face and was cracking up. But, he was replaced by this lady with the warmest left thigh and she keeps rubbing herself. I don’t like it…help. I want homeboy back. At least we could sync songs and dance together. I can’t do shit with this warm thigh but cringe.