I can’t lie y’all – I do I enjoy flirting with older, slick talking men. While waiting for my sister at the Marta station, a neatly dressed gentleman glided over with the friendliest smile…looking at his watch and tapping it.
Him: Please tell me what type of husband do you have that’s not here for you already?🧐
Me: I’m a little early today.
Him: So, what’s wrong with your finger? Why isn’t there a ring?
Me: Because I’m smart😏
Him: LOL. Well do me a favor and dial this number for me real quick.
Me: You tried it!😂😂😂
Him: So you don’t have anyone you go to lunch with?
Me: Yes, I do. (It was none of his business that person is a woman🙃. Hey Val😂😂😂)
Him: I’m (I already forgot). What’s your name?
Him: Let’s make a deal, Nicole. If I see you here tomorrow, you’ll go to lunch with me.👀
Me: What kind of deal is that? I’m here almost every week day.
Him: 😄😄 I know because I see you all the time. I was going to be perched right here at this time tomorrow…early.😁
Him: I usually don’t wish anything bad on anyone but I sure hope whoever he is messes up soon. I’ll see you later.
Me: LOL – have a great evening
So the whole time he was talking I was singing in my head – ‘tis the season for a suga daddy…fa la la la laaa la la la la.🎅🏽🎅🏾🎅🏿 But, real talk – I just can’t wrap my head around snuggling with someone who might call my dad young man.😂😂😂😭😭
Why is this linebacker looking dude on the train with music playing thru speakers sitting here with a spread of Popeyes in the seat like he’s at a cookout…legs stretched out and everything.😂😂😂 He is straight up looking like he is daring someone to say something. I know I’m not ready for that tussle.😳 I’m more inclined to ask him if he wants to start up a game of spades. But, if he reneges that tussle will well up in me with the quickness…mad spades heart is different from regular heart.😒
I just looked down and he has chicken crumbs everywhere! Someone needs to tell this man he needs to get that shit up! It won’t be me cause my spades heart ain’t available. 👀😂😂
I don’t even know where to start with yesterday’s commute. I guess I should start with WORST COMMUNTE EVER!!! I left work a little bit late, so I knew I would not make my normal train. But, the heartache began when I reached the top of the escalator just in time to see the next train pull off. 😞 I decided to sit for a while because the next train should’ve been there in 10 minutes or less. About 6 minutes in, I decided to get up to claim my spot on the platform. Little did I know the next train would not arrive until 25 minutes. A voice kept coming on the speaker about every 30 seconds but no one knew wtf he was saying. I started calling family to let them know what was going on. I remember my mom saying there were several tornado warnings for the north…where I was. 😦 LOL But, I couldn’t even process that because I started getting sharp pains on my right side and a serious cold sweat was gearing up. My mind started racing – “Dot better not be trying to come back – she was just here last week…is it food poison…what if it’s appendicitis…I better not die on a MARTA platform!” Y’all see how fast that escalated?😒
When the train finally arrived, it was packed. I did not care where I sat as long as I had a seat. The train took a while to pull off and just as I thought, “maybe I should get off and go back to work – it would be safer if I really passed out”, the doors closed and the train pulled off. I don’t remember much about the ride except I started breaking out in a serious, trickling sweat, my glasses started fogging, and I felt like I was losing consciousness. I do remember thinking I did not want to be on the train if that happened. I popped a mint in my mouth hoping it would give me a cooling sensation. That shit didn’t work – the commercials lie. When we arrived to the second stop, the train just sat with the doors open. After sitting with the doors open for about 5 minutes, I decided to attempt walking off. Everything was a blur and I had to look crazy af to anyone watching. My goal was to make it off the train before the doors closed, find anything cold to stretch out on, and land on my purse if I passed out. Like that would be in my control. But, thinking about my purse gave me something to focus on as I took what was probably only 30 steps to get off the train to the bench. That felt like the longest walk of my life. I kid you not – I thought about the Mr. Krab confused meme because everyone was a blur to me. Each step was a victory.
I had a flashback to when I was in high school at the Bowie State college tour. Something similar happened and they found me stretched out in the stairwell…face planted on the nasty floor. I remember just needing to be on something cold. That’s why getting to that bench slab was so important to me. I didn’t care how I looked or how gross the cold anything would be. My goal was to get there and keep my purse safe.
When I finally reached the slab, I was pretty much blinded by the combination of dizziness and super fogged glasses. While all of this was going on, I remember my mother calling me a few times. I just remember telling her. “I cannot talk anymore and track my phone– that’s how you will find me.” I can’t even imagine what she was going through, but I now know she hit up everyone trying to see who could get to me first, including the people at the train station. I sat pressed against the cool slab clutching my purse for I don’t how long. I don’t know if I ever lost consciousness or not. I eventually thought to remove my light sweater and was thinking about coming out of my shirt. The cool slab started working. I was still sweating profusely on my face, neck, chest, and back. But, I found my voice again and turned my head to the lady sitting on my left. I said to her in what felt like a whisper, “please help me, I feel like I am going to pass out…get help.” I remember her asking questions but I couldn’t make them out. What I could hear was the dude next to me smacking up a storm and sucking his teeth so damn loud! I turned to look at him and when I turned back, the lady was gone. I never saw her again. In the meantime, my mom called again asking what I was wearing so that the folks at Marta could find me. As I sat, sprawled all out yet trying to look normal, the smacking and sucking man engaged me in conversation. He started asking if I was okay and what was wrong as he continued to try to suck every tooth out of his head. The cool slab and him talking to me started making me feel better. He kept offering me some of his chicken lo mein and I thought I was going to throw up right there. I don’t eat chicken lo mein when I am feeling regular and the thought of it on my knotting stomach was just too much too much for me. 🤢 But, his kindness was much appreciated…even through all the teeth sucking. He offered me some of his drink and I thanked him but told him I had my own. He started joking with me – asked me if seeing him out of the train window was what got me feeling so hot. I told him that was probably it and I had to get off to sit by him. LOL Around that time, I saw a Marta police walking back and forth squinting. I kinda gave the wrong description of what I was wearing. We got her attention and she sat beside me and kept asking a bunch of questions. One was if I wanted an ambulance. For some reason, I was adamantly against it. Probably because I remembered this happening before 20+ years ago. I asked her if she could help me to a rest room. I just kept thinking I would end up on the ground…pissy. That is not how I want to go viral. 🤳🏽🤳🏽🤳🏽 Yeah – I still had some irrational vanity.
The train doors finally rang and as it began to close, I wondered if I could make it. The mind is funny in these situation – irrationally rational.
The officer lead me to a bathroom – she was very patient with my baby steps. Crazy me thought because it was a locked bathroom, it was going to be in decent condition. Maannn – I was looking for Ned the Wino in the corner while I attempted to pee. It was all cement and just dingy af. But, even with all that I kept thinking it looks sooo cold and would feel so good against my skin. Yes, I think I was delirious by then because I was starting to build up another serious internal fire and sweat was starting to drench my face and shirt again. Hygiene was no longer on the top of my list. I even picked up the bottle of whatever on the sink (with no top) and dumped it on my hand in an attempt to get clean. It was waaaay too watery. That almost took me out. I just wanted to die right there…in the dingy, dank Marta bathroom.
I eventually exited the bathroom and the officer asked me if I was okay to continue walking and if I was sure I did not want an ambulance. I declined again. I told her I could walk but slowly. I felt if I could just keep putting one foot in front of the other, I could make it to the finish line…I really do watch too much TV. She began talking to me. She told me my mom was a really nice, persistent lady. LOL My youngest sister called because she was the closest to me and wanted to know where I was. I felt bad because my nephew was with her and it was his birthday. I gave the officer the phone because I could not focus. She told me my dad was calling. I told her to stay on with my sister and I would call him when settled. She sat me down and I was able to lay my head down as she coordinated with my sister. For the first time, I thought my purse was safe so I could close my eyes voluntarily and rest. I dozed off on the cool slab as a cool breeze started flowing through the space. The next thing I knew, the officer was handing me the phone and told me my sister would be pulling up soon. I was already feeling much better.
I was so happy to see my sister and nephew! 🤗🤗🤗 I got in the car and went into a sleep coma. 😴 My sister said they were like – is she alright…is she breathing??? They felt better when my nephew could see my chest rise and fall. I got in some pretty good sleep because traffic was horrible. Rain in Atlanta….need I say more. We dropped my nephew off at the movies where my son was waiting with friends to celebrate his birthday. I went home and chilled on my new sectional (delivered the day before) with my mom. Dozed in and out all night while attempting to watch tv with her. We were still on the couch when the boys got in around midnight. They had a great time. Mommy ended up staying the night.🤗
What I learned:
- My family will always find and rescue me, especially with my mom leading. They are the real MVPs. 🏆❤️❤️
- Kindness can overpower my misophonia…slightly. Thank you Mr. SuckYoTeeth! 😕
- Cool slabs and floors cure most of my ills. This is the 4th time this happened to me and each time quality time on a cool surface was the main remedy. 👍🏽
- middle school – the male gym teachers and boys in the gym pulled mats to get me off the floor.
- right before high school while babysitting. My sisters didn’t know wth was going on
- high school – at the college tour. When they found me in the stairwell, they thought I was possessed
- adulthood – yesterday…on Marta. Yeah – that happened.
- Vanity pretty much goes out the window when this shit hits. Watch out menopause! 🤦🏽♀️
- I am obsessed with my purse 👜
Thank you Officer Bello…I got you…soon 👩🏽✈️🤗
Thank you family. You always, always have my back. They were all calling trying to check in and find a resolution. Love them muy!!!! ❤️❤️❤️ Y’all know they are already clowning though. My niece just told me she’s getting me a life alert for Christmas.
These Marta folks are liars. When I arrived, the platform was packed and I started checking the board…hoping my train was not next because I wanted the crowd to thin out a bit before my train arrived. When the train finally showed up, of course it was mine. So I filed in with the rest of the sardines.🙄
We started to chug along, but we only made it to one stop. While we sat for about 10-15 minutes, a lady’s voice kept coming on to say we were waiting for 2 trains to move ahead of us and she thanked us for our patience. I should’ve known then she was a liar. I looked around and patience was not what I saw – everyone had that this is bullshit look on their face.😒 All of a sudden, it sounded as if she turned the train off and her voice came back to say the train was out of service…OUR TRAIN. 😲 I thought she said it was the other train – I thought they were the assholes in the way. Now, WE were the assholes in the way…getting off the train, packing the platform, about to fight for a seat on what would surely be a packed train. I could no longer roll my eyes at the other folks I was blaming (although they had no control of the situation). I had to humble myself as I entered the new train of irritated faces. Luckily, I was able to beat a few folks to a seat with a lady who looked like she’d be a decent seat mate – hips fit on her side, no gum/food, no weird smells. Unfortunately, I couldn’t say that for the man standing over me. I think he’s still counting on yesterday’s shower.🙊
As I settled into my new seat and the doors closed, I realized I was on the wrong train. I had to remember to get off before the last transfer point. I did. When the correct train arrived, it was packed af! Now here I stand…holding on…balancing all my shit…with a bunch of armpits in my face…LATE. This really is that bullshit!😩😩😩
To give up the seat or not to give up the seat…that is the question. As a general rule the disabled, elderly, folks with kids (in and out the belly), and folks with a lot of stuff get offered my seat on a packed train. The confusion comes when I can’t really determine the age of the women. If dudes are not obviously old, they won’t get the seat unless they fall under one of the other categories above. As for women, the lines are really starting to get blurred – older ladies looking damn good and these youngins looking like they are living hard as shit. Throw in that new gray hair trend and I’m totally confused. 🤔 I’m a bag lady and they are usually heavy, so Imma be mad as shit if I give my seat up to a rough looking 30 something year old…frfr! I need the universe to start showing me their age on their foreheads. Until then, I need to see some crow’s feet and a lil dip in that back before I drag these bags and get up. 😄😄😄 Sorry to the ladies with good genes and plastic surgery. #decisionmade #martaramblings
This man has not stopped moving since he sat down next to me. He’s checking his bag, drinking coffee, checking his phone, drinking coffee, scratching his head, drinking coffee, adjusting his shirt, drinking coffee, biting his nails, drinking coffee, alternating between holding onto the bar in front of us and letting go while I’m trying to figure out why…does he think he’ll fall out the seat. 😒 Shit, he’s making me nervous. I can’t pull this hat down far enough to block my peripheral. He has not been still for more than 3 seconds. Either he has an important meeting, had waaay too much coffee, or I need to get off this damn train cause his bag is going to blow.👀👀😩
SEATMATE GRADE: E unless he can see this and my last guess is true.😳 Then A.
I think this lil joker beside me has issues. She can’t be still and her train etiquette sucks. A few strong looks is all I can give today to stop her. Anything out of my mouth will come across too harsh. I’m not worried much about her, but her homegirl is in the seat behind us looking extra robust and skrooong!!! lls. I know my limits – especially with two. Plus, fidgeting shorty looks like she can give me at least a good 10 minutes of windmilling. I need to get back in shape before I even think about taking on any of that action.
See…this that bullshit. They just put us off the train – with no explanation of course. Behind me is a group of women who, unlike me, prefer to vocalize all of their Marta frustrations instead of blogging them. They are so glad to have this large audience on the platform. The train finally moved and I realized I am waaaay too close to the edge.😳 I’ll be glad when the next train arrives. Although, I know we are going to have to get on a train of people mean muggin us and like they own the train. Here it comes…
This man just raced all of us through the doors but I managed to squeeze in a seat before him. Small victories count.💪🏽 I already miss the other train. These mofos stank! They smell like a mixture of cigarettes, dirty rain, and a hard day of work…in the shit factory.😩 I am so glad I’ll be on vacation next week. I won’t have to deal with all these smells, sounds, and strangers.
So I’m sitting in the seat right near the door and this girl leans against the pole attached to the seat so hard that it splits her ass cheeks…right near my face! 🍑🙈🙈🙈 Luckily, she felt enough discomfort to switch positions after a min cause I was gonna have to say something. That could not be in my close peripheral for a bunch of stops. 😩
This has to be the most disrespectful seat on the train. People who stand in the doorway do the most and forget someone is right there. One day, this young dude dropped his phone on this lady 3 times while he was standing over her leaning and texting and she was not the one.😂😂😂 Note to self: stay away from door seat.