She’s asleep!!! This lady rides the train and shuttle with me almost every day AND she pops her gum on every other “expletive” chew. I have wished for her to bite her tongue, her jaw, her lip…anything to make her boycott gum. But, I can be nice today because she’s asleep and luckily, she doesn’t chew in her sleep. I can go even further and hope she does not get whiplash…she is copping a serious nod so that neck keeps snapping. Uh oh…she just woke up…popping like crazy…I hope she bites a few taste buds off.😠
I am obviously being punished for something I did…probably one of the random things my brain has said to me about one of these folks during my commute. But, I have no control over that. The craziness just pops in my head. My only fault is laughing.😏 So now my ears have to suffer for my brain’s actions.
Anyway, my grown ass seat mate is actually sitting here blowing bubbles with her gum. I am so tempted to pop one of those bubbles so it’ll splatter on her face and stick to that herstache she’s rocking (yeah, I see it…handle that).
And, homegirl behind me is rustling a bag while talking on her phone way too loud to mind me asking questions about who she’s talking to. I really shouldn’t be able to hear her because I’m cranking the Jagged Edge/Run DMC Let’s Get Married remix. I wish I could press my earbuds to turn down her volume. Unfortunately, the universe does not seem to believe I’m worthy of special powers. Either that or it’s scared of how I would use them. I’ve already thought about making her bag float out of her hands, crumble into a hard ball, and hit her hard enough in her forehead to make her head snap back…not enough for whiplash, just embarrassment. The visual is cracking me hell up. 😂😂😂
My seat mate is still hanging in there, but she stopped blowing bubbles. Maybe she saw the first photo I posted above. lol SEAT MATE GRADE: C – she only blew bubbles for 1 stop, but has been very still the past 16 stops. I can’t even see her chewing in my peripheral. Maybe she remembered she was grown.
Imagine my surprise as I waited to board and the other door didn’t open! My hesitation gave me limited seating options. I bet someone broke it trying to force the doors open. They do that mess all the time – sometimes causing the train to be put out of order because the door won’t close. I blame that person for this whole commute rant. My brain is off the hook…this time.
This commute is already starting off wrong. The girl to my left is a gum popper and the woman to my right…well…her smell profile is not quite right. I put in my earbuds to handle the situation on the left and I can usually cut off my sense of smell, but my nose is being nosey af today. I really wish it would mind its business.😩
I am hella tired this morning. I went to an event to support a coworker so I didn’t get in until almost midnight which means I didn’t go to bed until 1:30ish. Anyway, something happened at the event that I’ve been thinking about all morning. Before the event, we went to dinner and my genius self decided to get a burger with onions – not thinking about the fact that I was going to be meeting a bunch of new people. So when we got there and I started talking to people, I became self-conscious about my breath situation and started frantically searching my purse for gum, mints, candy…anything. The guy I was sitting next to heard me ask my coworkers for gum and he said, “I’ll find you some gum.” I smiled and didn’t think anything of it…went back to talking to my coworkers. About 10 minutes later, he tapped me on my shoulder and extended his hand. I looked down and saw a white object. It took me a few minutes to realize it was gum…an unwrapped piece of gum fondled by him and whoever he got it from!😳😩😩 I didn’t know what to do, but I knew I wasn’t eating that damn gum. He looked so happy and proud that he found me that piece of gum that I didn’t want to be rude. He didn’t know he was handing germ wrapped gum to a girl with over 10 packs of individually wrapped hand wipes in her purse. That poor fellow didn’t know I was having visions of the faceless person who gave him the gum digging in their nose and visions of him scratching his nuts.😔 He was just a nice guy standing there with his hand extended, offering the new lady the gum she was frantically searching for earlier. Either that or he reeeallly thought I needed it.😂😂😂 After all of those thoughts stopped running through my head, I found my manners, took the gum, thanked him with the kindest smile I could paste on my face, and slid that filthy white wax ball in my pocket. Then I spent the rest of the damn evening wondering what it was about me that made him think I would eat that gum. And, here I sit this morning wondering the same thing.😩
SN: I had some great conversations with strangers last night, including gum man. I had to do an exercise with him that sparked a very interesting conversation. And, I didn’t feel any remorse hitting him with every H & W word I could think of. Remember, he did try to poison me with a bacteria tablet. So we are even in my book.😜
Guess who had to move to the other end of the train car because this grown ass lady was popping her gum and blowing bubbles so loud I could hear it with my earbuds on the highest volume? Guess who hopes she bites a chunk clean off the side of her tongue?
On this dreary, rainy day, I’m making bad commuter choices across the board. I left work about an hour and a half later than normal due to meeting overload. Because it was raining, I had to catch the shuttle instead of walking. As we exited, I let the lady with luggage get off the shuttle before me. Unfortunately, she chose not to take the elevator, thus holding up a bunch of disgruntled commuters behind her. It would not have been so bad if we didn’t have to watch the train pull off as soon as we arrived to the top. Next train – 7 minutes.😩
I decided to sit and mope instead of strategically standing in the area where the train doors open for the car that puts me off right in front of the escalator at my destination. I didn’t even notice when the train started pulling in. I tried to rush to my spot, but it was occupied by a group of women. I was 5th to get on the train, so my seat selection was limited. I sat where a lady had her jacket strewn across the back of my seat. You would think she’d move it…NOPE! So, I had to use my back to slide it from behind me. 🙄 Then I hear this continuos popping sound and notice homegirl sitting diagonal from me still hasn’t learned to properly chew gum. Before I could satisfactorily finish rolling my eyes, I got a seat mate and his grown ass had the nerve to be sucking on a lollipop. There has to be some man laws for this!📜 Other than that, he was okay. I didn’t really get a chance to access him because he only accompanied me for 2 stops. Now, I have another seat mate. She is not bringing anyone any sunshine. We are both sitting here looking like Droopy.Perhaps she let a lady with luggage in front of her too.
I forgot to mention I made a serious seat selection faux pas. I picked that awful seat that has someone sitting next to me AND perpendicularly in front of me. I don’t know what I was thinking!!! The girl who sat in that seat had so much stuff that her purse pressed up against my knees…bumping if she decided to fidget. I couldn’t take anymore, so I moved.😤
As soon as I got comfortable, a loud talking dude plopped down hard next to me. Before I could get fully irritated, he was gone. He was my 3rd seat mate… 4th if I count ole perpendicular. They all lasted only 2-3 stops. But guess who rode the entire way with me? The lady with the damn gum!😔
Tomorrow, I’m racing EVERYONE…even ladies with luggage.