MartaMe

Man Down!!! And, by man, I mean ME

I don’t even know where to start with yesterday’s commute. I guess I should start with WORST COMMUNTE EVER!!! I left work a little bit late, so I knew I would not make my normal train. But, the heartache began when I reached the top of the escalator just in time to see the next train pull off. 😞 I decided to sit for a while because the next train should’ve been there in 10 minutes or less. About 6 minutes in, I decided to get up to claim my spot on the platform. Little did I know the next train would not arrive until 25 minutes. A voice kept coming on the speaker about every 30 seconds but no one knew wtf he was saying. I started calling family to let them know what was going on. I remember my mom saying there were several tornado warnings for the north…where I was. 😦 LOL But, I couldn’t even process that because I started getting sharp pains on my right side and a serious cold sweat was gearing up. My mind started racing – “Dot better not be trying to come back – she was just here last week…is it food poison…what if it’s appendicitis…I better not die on a MARTA platform!” Y’all see how fast that escalated?😒

When the train finally arrived, it was packed. I did not care where I sat as long as I had a seat. The train took a while to pull off and just as I thought, “maybe I should get off and go back to work – it would be safer if I really passed out”, the doors closed and the train pulled off. I don’t remember much about the ride except I started breaking out in a serious, trickling sweat, my glasses started fogging, and I felt like I was losing consciousness. I do remember thinking I did not want to be on the train if that happened. I popped a mint in my mouth hoping it would give me a cooling sensation. That shit didn’t work – the commercials lie. When we arrived to the second stop, the train just sat with the doors open. After sitting with the doors open for about 5 minutes, I decided to attempt walking off. Everything was a blur and I had to look crazy af to anyone watching. My goal was to make it off the train before the doors closed, find anything cold to stretch out on, and land on my purse if I passed out. Like that would be in my control. But, thinking about my purse gave me something to focus on as I took what was probably only 30 steps to get off the train to the bench. That felt like the longest walk of my life. I kid you not – I thought about the Mr. Krab confused meme because everyone was a blur to me.   Each step was a victory.

I had a flashback to when I was in high school at the Bowie State college tour. Something similar happened and they found me stretched out in the stairwell…face planted on the nasty floor. I remember just needing to be on something cold. That’s why getting to that bench slab was so important to me. I didn’t care how I looked or how gross the cold anything would be. My goal was to get there and keep my purse safe.

When I finally reached the slab, I was pretty much blinded by the combination of dizziness and super fogged glasses. While all of this was going on, I remember my mother calling me a few times. I just remember telling her. “I cannot talk anymore and track my phone– that’s how you will find me.” I can’t even imagine what she was going through, but I now know she hit up everyone trying to see who could get to me first, including the people at the train station. I sat pressed against the cool slab clutching my purse for I don’t how long. I don’t know if I ever lost consciousness or not. I eventually thought to remove my light sweater and was thinking about coming out of my shirt. The cool slab started working. I was still sweating profusely on my face, neck, chest, and back. But, I found my voice again and turned my head to the lady sitting on my left. I said to her in what felt like a whisper, “please help me, I feel like I am going to pass out…get help.” I remember her asking questions but I couldn’t make them out. What I could hear was the dude next to me smacking up a storm and sucking his teeth so damn loud! I turned to look at him and when I turned back, the lady was gone. I never saw her again. In the meantime, my mom called again asking what I was wearing so that the folks at Marta could find me. As I sat, sprawled all out yet trying to look normal, the smacking and sucking man engaged me in conversation. He started asking if I was okay and what was wrong as he continued to try to suck every tooth out of his head. The cool slab and him talking to me started making me feel better. He kept offering me some of his chicken lo mein and I thought I was going to throw up right there. I don’t eat chicken lo mein when I am feeling regular and the thought of it on my knotting stomach was just too much too much for me. 🤢 But, his kindness was much appreciated…even through all the teeth sucking. He offered me some of his drink and I thanked him but told him I had my own. He started joking with me – asked me if seeing him out of the train window was what got me feeling so hot. I told him that was probably it and I had to get off to sit by him. LOL Around that time, I saw a Marta police walking back and forth squinting. I kinda gave the wrong description of what I was wearing. We got her attention and she sat beside me and kept asking a bunch of questions. One was if I wanted an ambulance. For some reason, I was adamantly against it. Probably because I remembered this happening before 20+ years ago. I asked her if she could help me to a rest room. I just kept thinking I would end up on the ground…pissy. That is not how I want to go viral. 🤳🏽🤳🏽🤳🏽 Yeah – I still had some irrational vanity.

The train doors finally rang and as it began to close, I wondered if I could make it. The mind is funny in these situation – irrationally rational.

The officer lead me to a bathroom – she was very patient with my baby steps. Crazy me thought because it was a locked bathroom, it was going to be in decent condition.   Maannn – I was looking for Ned the Wino in the corner while I attempted to pee. It was all cement and just dingy af. But, even with all that I kept thinking it looks sooo cold and would feel so good against my skin. Yes, I think I was delirious by then because I was starting to build up another serious internal fire and sweat was starting to drench my face and shirt again. Hygiene was no longer on the top of my list. I even picked up the bottle of whatever on the sink (with no top) and dumped it on my hand in an attempt to get clean. It was waaaay too watery. That almost took me out. I just wanted to die right there…in the dingy, dank Marta bathroom.

I eventually exited the bathroom and the officer asked me if I was okay to continue walking and if I was sure I did not want an ambulance. I declined again. I told her I could walk but slowly. I felt if I could just keep putting one foot in front of the other, I could make it to the finish line…I really do watch too much TV. She began talking to me. She told me my mom was a really nice, persistent lady. LOL My youngest sister called because she was the closest to me and wanted to know where I was. I felt bad because my nephew was with her and it was his birthday. I gave the officer the phone because I could not focus. She told me my dad was calling. I told her to stay on with my sister and I would call him when settled. She sat me down and I was able to lay my head down as she coordinated with my sister. For the first time, I thought my purse was safe so I could close my eyes voluntarily and rest. I dozed off on the cool slab as a cool breeze started flowing through the space. The next thing I knew, the officer was handing me the phone and told me my sister would be pulling up soon. I was already feeling much better.

I was so happy to see my sister and nephew! 🤗🤗🤗 I got in the car and went into a sleep coma. 😴 My sister said they were like – is she alright…is she breathing??? They felt better when my nephew could see my chest rise and fall. I got in some pretty good sleep because traffic was horrible. Rain in Atlanta….need I say more. We dropped my nephew off at the movies where my son was waiting with friends to celebrate his birthday. I went home and chilled on my new sectional (delivered the day before) with my mom. Dozed in and out all night while attempting to watch tv with her. We were still on the couch when the boys got in around midnight. They had a great time. Mommy ended up staying the night.🤗

What I learned:

  1. My family will always find and rescue me, especially with my mom leading. They are the real MVPs. 🏆❤️❤️
  2. Kindness can overpower my misophonia…slightly. Thank you Mr. SuckYoTeeth! 😕
  3. Cool slabs and floors cure most of my ills. This is the 4th time this happened to me and each time quality time on a cool surface was the main remedy. 👍🏽
    • middle school – the male gym teachers and boys in the gym pulled mats to get me off the floor.
    • right before high school while babysitting. My sisters didn’t know wth was going on
    • high school – at the college tour. When they found me in the stairwell, they thought I was possessed
    • adulthood – yesterday…on Marta. Yeah – that happened.
  4. Vanity pretty much goes out the window when this shit hits. Watch out menopause! 🤦🏽‍♀️
  5. I am obsessed with my purse 👜

Thank you Officer Bello…I got you…soon 👩🏽‍✈️🤗

Thank you family. You always, always have my back. They were all calling trying to check in and find a resolution. Love them muy!!!! ❤️❤️❤️ Y’all know they are already clowning though. My niece just told me she’s getting me a life alert for Christmas.

MartaMe · MisoMe

No sandwiches allowed!

It started out well…

But, that didn’t last long.  Dude next to me is offending all my senses right now.  First, he flops down next to me smelling like an ashtray full of unfinished cigarettes.  Then, he pulled a sandwich out of a ziplock bowl and started devouring it.  No exaggeration –  dude is munching on that sandwich so hard and fast, continuously turning it so he can bite it from all angles.  He is chewing so hard, I can see his cheeks moving up and down out of my peripheral. That should be difficult because I have turned my body as far as I can towards the window so I can sneak breaths in every now and then.  He is in violation of the almost all the seat mate laws! He’s alternating between killing that sandwich, drinking water, picking his teeth, and licking his fingers!😩😩😩 How big is that f*cking sandwich?!!!😒 How can he still be eating it after all of those rotating big bites?  I think it grows every time he bites it.  And, all of that finger licking on this filthy train…yuckety!  I feel like offering him a hand wipe, but I think he is finishing up because he’s rotating through all the movements at an even quicker pace.  Hold up – this mofo just took out a napkin, wet it, and wiped his hands…after he ate! I can’t with him.  SEAT MATE GRADE: E!!!!!!!!!

Picking teeth licking fingers

Am I being punk’d…for real, who sent him?

MartaMe

MartaMe Memory 10.22.14

Dude is on the train for 6 stops with an unlit cigarette hanging from his mouth. That’s some pressed shit right there! Now, I know I have to beat him to the escalator cause that tells me he’s the type who would light up while on it. Glad I have my Nikes on. #traintribulations

I believe every home has a distinct smell and when people come out, they carry that smell on their clothes. With that said, some of these folks need to febreze, plug in, fry the fish outside…do something! They have me up here sniffing my damn self. #trainsmells #ihatemynose

MartaMe · MisoMe

MartaMe Memory 10.20.16

She’s asleep!!! This lady rides the train and shuttle with me almost every day AND she pops her gum on every other “expletive” chew. I have wished for her to bite her tongue, her jaw, her lip…anything to make her boycott gum. But, I can be nice today because she’s asleep and luckily, she doesn’t chew in her sleep. I can go even further and hope she does not get whiplash…she is copping a serious nod so that neck keeps snapping. Uh oh…she just woke up…popping like crazy…I hope she bites a few taste buds off.😠

MartaMe · MisoMe

Welcome back…not

It’s my first day back on the train since Thursday (6 days ago) and my first thought is WHAT IN THE EXPLETIVE IS THAT EXPLETIVE SMELL!!! And, what in the expletive is this! I really hope it’s milk.😳

I worked from home Friday and Irma came through and shut a few things down Monday, including Marta.  Yesterday, Marta was running on a limited schedule so I worked from home again.  Today is supposed to be the regular schedule.  But when I got to the station today, the sign indicated it would be 7 minutes until my train arrived. I can just miss my train and the sign will usually show 5 min until my next train.  I know I didn’t just miss one because the platform was packed.  And, when the train pulled in, it was almost packed.  That’s how I ended up in the yuck seat next to good ole wide eyes 👀.  She has never sat next to me before.  Every time I beat her, she sits a few rows away from my smirking ass.  Not today.  She plopped down right next to me because seating was limited and like me, she probably couldn’t figure out where that expletive smell is coming from.  I may be an ass but I don’t stink, so she chose wisely.  It didn’t last long though.  The people in front of me got off two stops later and I excused myself and brushed past wide eyes as I raced a girl who was boarding and eyeing my new, used seat.  I won!  And, it was clean…well clean for Marta.

Now, here I sit…unable to inhale.  Every time I try to sneak a breath, I am hit with a myriad of unpleasant smells…onions, sweat, burnt hair, coffee, what seems to be undercarriage funk, and who knows what else.  It’s all bad.  I swear I would wear an air purifying helmet on this joint if there was one available.  Be on this joint like…

If my seat mate folds or adjust this damn blanket one mo damn time, I’m going to scream!!! She could’ve at least fluffed that joint with a fabric sheet before bringing it.  It could’ve helped with this morning’s olfactory assault.  SEAT MATE GRADE: C

I must say, this welcome back sucks!

MartaMe · MisoMe

Who or What to Blame?

I am obviously being punished for something I did…probably one of the random things my brain has said to me about one of these folks during my commute.  But, I have no control over that.  The craziness just pops in my head.  My only fault is laughing.😏 So now my ears have to suffer for my brain’s actions.

Anyway, my grown ass seat mate is actually sitting here blowing bubbles with her gum.  I am so tempted to pop one of those bubbles so it’ll splatter on her face and stick to that herstache she’s rocking (yeah, I see it…handle that).

And, homegirl behind me is rustling a bag while talking on her phone way too loud to mind me asking questions about who she’s talking to.  I really shouldn’t be able to hear her because I’m cranking the Jagged Edge/Run DMC Let’s Get Married remix.  I wish I could press my earbuds to turn down her volume.  Unfortunately, the universe does not seem to believe I’m worthy of special powers. Either that or it’s scared of how I would use them.  I’ve already thought about making her bag float out of her hands, crumble into a hard ball, and hit her hard enough in her forehead to make her head snap back…not enough for whiplash, just embarrassment.  The visual is cracking me hell up. 😂😂😂

My seat mate is still hanging in there, but she stopped blowing bubbles. Maybe she saw the first photo I posted above. lol SEAT MATE GRADE: C – she only blew bubbles for 1 stop, but has been very still the past 16 stops.  I can’t even see her chewing in my peripheral.  Maybe she remembered she was grown.

This door sleeve (never knew what to call it before) is responsible for my seat selection.

Imagine my surprise as I waited to board and the other door didn’t open!  My hesitation gave me limited seating options.  I bet someone broke it trying to force the doors open.  They do that mess all the time – sometimes causing the train to be put out of order because the door won’t close.  I blame that person for this whole commute rant.  My brain is off the hook…this time.

MisoMe

Misophonia IS Real

I really thought I was being Punk’d in my training class today.   I was in a prerequisite training Tuesday, so I knew I needed to get there early to get a decent seat…really to get A seat.  The previous class had more butts than seats.  I arrived 20 minutes early and was able to get a seat at a table for 2 with an outlet nearby.  The other tables seated 4-8.  I thought I hit the jackpot! Someone already had their laptop in the space next to mine, but they were not there.  I happily spread my stuff (a bunch as usual) across my area, got something to eat, and played around social media until it was time for the  3 hour class to start.

Right before the class started, my table mate appeared.  She looked harmless (not friendly), so I introduced myself and went back to what I was doing.  Before the instructor started, the lady next to me started crunching on fruit. 😳 I have never heard anyone make sliced watermelon sound so damn loud!  I’ve always hated the sound of people eating with stainless steel forks, but she managed to make me feel the same hate for plastic ware. Then the sniffing started.  😩😩😩Anyone who knows me, knows I absolutely hate hearing a grown ass person sniff.  At that moment, I drew my imaginary sword and measured it against her neck as a warning.  She stopped for a moment, so I put my sword back in its scabbard.  But, her sniffles were soon replaced by her unscrewing the top from her steel container to gulp on water.  I looked at her in disbelief and hit my coworker (she was in the same training) on chat to tell her about my misery.  She was sitting across the aisle from me so she could see my face which tickled her.  

As I was typing, another lady entered the training super late.  Where do you think they squeezed her?  Right next to my mad ass!🙄  We didn’t have enough room for another person, so she had to sit in the aisle and share table space…on my end.  Being the sweet person I am, I tried to make room for her on the table and scooted closer to old smack and sniff.  I was highly irritated, especially when I realized her greedy ass had somehow slipped out to get a whole new plate full of fruit!!!  Just when I thought I was going to lose my mind and all my cool, the instructor announced we were going to take a 15 minute break.

I got back late from break because I had to decompress before squeezing back between late aisle lady and the human noise box.  All was good at first, but after awhile snotty started sniffing again.  I decided to distract myself by jotting down all the triggers she was causing and a couple of not so nice comments beside them.  It was working for a while because I was cracking myself up.  But then the rustling sound of a bag followed by continuous cracking  made me turn to look at her.  Do y’all know this heifer was sitting there cracking and eating pistachios in the middle of training.  Before I knew it, I grabbed my mental sword and chopped her head clean off.  Only the vision of her shocked eyes on her detached head kept me from going straight Serial Mom on her ass in real life. Once she was MisoMe beheaded, she didn’t seem to bother me as much.  I don’t know if my energy made her stop or if I was lost in a loop of insanity, but all of a sudden everything was not as bad and I managed to pay some attention to the instructor.  But, I’m so glad I catch on quickly to software and the instructor gave us a very detailed spiral book of instructions because I would be so lost when I actually have to apply the learnings in the next few weeks.  I am proud to say, I made it out of class without cursing her slam out, so I must be getting better…right?😏

MartaMe

Painfully Polite

Being polite hurt my knees and made me lose my favorite seat.  Now, I’m sitting in the horrible perpendicular seat (P-seat) and this girl in front of me has been unwrapping this piece of candy for five damn minutes!  I feel like snatching it and throwing it at the other end of the train.😠  My knees are pressed in the tight space against the P-seat and I feel like I need to be wearing an age tag. Needless to say, I’m not a happy camper on this dreary day.

It all started with me being polite and standing back to let this older lady (no age tag needed) enter the train first.  I guess she was so used to folks rushing past her, she hesitated.  Once she boarded, she could not make up her mind on which seat she wanted…all while the seats were filling up from the other doors.  When she finally decided, it was the last good seat – MY SEAT.😩😩😩  I managed to keep a pleasant smile on my face…at least I hope it was.  It possibly was more deranged than I imagined though because deep down, I was mad at her.  lol

I was too engrossed in Facebook to notice when I got a new seat mate.  He was rather thin, so no hip rubbing took place.  He was quiet and still the entire ride.  My only qualm was he took too long to get up after I said excuse me to beat folks to the door.  That allowed at least 7 people get in front of me which made me get caught up in heavy stairs traffic.😡  I almost didn’t make it on the shuttle.  SEAT MATE GRADE: C (it was an A before he set me back)

So now I’m sitting on the shuttle next to a youngin smelling hella “loud”.  I don’t know much about dem tweeds, but his smells way worse than the girl’s did a few weeks ago.  I’m actually feeling sick to my stomach.  Didn’t he know he was going to work today?!!!  Walking in there smelling skunked out can’t be good for his career.  Last I checked, it wasn’t legal here.  Perhaps, it’s the only way he can deal with the people at his job.  But, if they are trying to figure out a reason to get rid of him, he is walking in with one today.  Someone really needs to make weed that smells like cologne for these folks who just can’t help themselves before work.  Hmmmmm👀👀👀