MartaMe

MartaMe: Funktified 1.10.19

Somebody on this train has this whole car stinking!!! Smelling like 100+ pounds of getback! This little girl in front of me is alternating between counting down their stops and whining β€œI can’t breathe”!🀭😩😩 She pointed out the culprit😳…damn kids.πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ Her mom scolded her. Meanwhile, I’m sitting here with my face tightly wrapped watching folks reactions as they get on. Po folks think they lucked up on a seat. Watching those smiles quickly go to surprise and then all frowned up…baaaaaabbbbeeeee.πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

I’m going to track some reactions for the next few stops:

– I hope these folks don’t think it’s my kids. (I actually did think it was her baby when I got on.😬)

– walked on and walked right back offπŸšΆπŸ½β€β™€οΈπŸšΆπŸ½β€β™€οΈ

– walked on and discussed getting off at the next stop. Got off at next stopπŸ€­πŸ€”πŸšΆπŸ½β€β™€οΈ This was the number 1 reaction.

– Just said, β€œGOTDAMN!” and moved way down the car😷➑️➑️

Hold up – the little girl just asked her mom if she could put her earbuds in her nose. Poor baby.πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

More reactions watching:

– This shit stinks!

– My skin is too sensitive for this shit!

– Awwww hell naw!

– Oooohhhhhhhh (followed by a quick U-turn)

– I can’t

– This is not working for me

– Anybody got any air freshener

– lady walks down aisle spraying perfume…some thanked her. I can’t smell either way so πŸ€·πŸ½β€β™€οΈ

– bumping all into each other trying to get off before the doors closed once that smell hit them. πŸ˜‚

– faces as they get on:πŸ˜•πŸ˜ŸπŸ˜’πŸ˜³πŸ₯΅πŸ˜–πŸ€­πŸ˜§πŸ˜²πŸ˜·πŸ€’πŸ™ŠπŸ˜ 

I am not laughing at the individual because I don’t know his story, but he doesn’t look like he smells. Perhaps that’s why folks are so surprised. But, the reactions and u-turns being made are hella comical!!!β†©οΈπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ real tears are running down my face as I try to suppress my laughter at these folks’ reactions.😭😭😭 Luckily, he slept through it all.

Meanwhile, I can’t smell a damn thing because my face is wrapped so tightly and my airtamer is in full affect. If I pass out, it’s my own damn fault.πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

MartaMe · MisoMe

Welcome back…not

It’s my first day back on the train since Thursday (6 days ago) and my first thought is WHAT IN THE EXPLETIVE IS THAT EXPLETIVE SMELL!!! And, what in the expletive is this! I really hope it’s milk.😳

I worked from home Friday and Irma came through and shut a few things down Monday, including Marta.  Yesterday, Marta was running on a limited schedule so I worked from home again.  Today is supposed to be the regular schedule.  But when I got to the station today, the sign indicated it would be 7 minutes until my train arrived. I can just miss my train and the sign will usually show 5 min until my next train.  I know I didn’t just miss one because the platform was packed.  And, when the train pulled in, it was almost packed.  That’s how I ended up in the yuck seat next to good ole wide eyes πŸ‘€.  She has never sat next to me before.  Every time I beat her, she sits a few rows away from my smirking ass.  Not today.  She plopped down right next to me because seating was limited and like me, she probably couldn’t figure out where that expletive smell is coming from.  I may be an ass but I don’t stink, so she chose wisely.  It didn’t last long though.  The people in front of me got off two stops later and I excused myself and brushed past wide eyes as I raced a girl who was boarding and eyeing my new, used seat.  I won!  And, it was clean…well clean for Marta.

Now, here I sit…unable to inhale.  Every time I try to sneak a breath, I am hit with a myriad of unpleasant smells…onions, sweat, burnt hair, coffee, what seems to be undercarriage funk, and who knows what else.  It’s all bad.  I swear I would wear an air purifying helmet on this joint if there was one available.  Be on this joint like…

If my seat mate folds or adjust this damn blanket one mo damn time, I’m going to scream!!! She could’ve at least fluffed that joint with a fabric sheet before bringing it.  It could’ve helped with this morning’s olfactory assault.  SEAT MATE GRADE: C

I must say, this welcome back sucks!

MartaMe

What the Whiff?!!

When people flop down next to me, they have a whiff.  The majority of the time, that whiff is not pleasing to my nose so I subconsciously brace myself…especially during the warmer seasons. 

Unfortunately, the whiffs are often quicker than my smell shut down reflexes.  So you all have to hear about my experiences on a regular basis.  I promise you, hearing it is nowhere near as bad as experiencing it.  I will gladly trade places.

I really don’t think most people think about their whiff, but I do – obsessively, especially in public.  My goal in life is to have a nice whiff.  I think I’ll do surprise dry runs on my family.  I’m sure they are thrilled reading this. Get those olfactory systems ready fam!πŸ€—πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Today’s Takeaway: The next time you flop down beside someone – make sure your whiff is on point.